Chelsea Bore to Victory

In a brilliant demonstration of the tactical intelligence that foreign managers have brought to the English game Chelsea today bored their opponents into submission to win the FA Cup.

To be fair to the fans of the plastics they played a large part in turning the first final at the new Wembley into such a tedious affair by dosing off even before the kick-off. However it is Jose Mourinho who will rightly get all the plaudits for ensuring that what could have been an embarrassingly entertaining affair was the bore-fest that Chelsea fans have come to expect.

The game began worringly for Chelsea as Joe Cole threatened to entertain the crowd by taking on players and attacking the Man Utd goal. But in a stroke of tactical genius Mourinho took off his best player at half-time to ensure that nothing untoward woke the slumbering crowd.

After the game Mourinho was quick to point out how difficult it is for a team to sustain that level of tedium over such a long time,

"It is something you dream of as boy, but you never think it possible to play two hours football and win only one corner. I like to thank my players for discipline they show, it is difficult - they want to play football but I tell them you bore everyone to the tears and we win game."

It was therefore not much of a surprise to the crowd, the Man Utd players and the watching world to wake this afternoon and find that whilst they had dropped off Chelsea had won the first FA Cup final at the new Wembley.