Scotland Yard Hunt for West Ham Fan

Apparently the Met Police are dropping all their other cases to search for a West Ham fan that Didier Drogba claims shone a torch in his general direction.

This may seem like a ridiculous waste of police time but Drogba suffers from a rare disorder that causes him to collapse on the floor writhing in pain even if he is just brushed in passing. It is therefore believed that he is liable to spontaneously combust if he is overexposed to torchlight.