The Hammered Summer Essay Competition

Today we are proud to announce the winner of our summer essay writing competition, one Theo Walcott, aged 8 1/2.

What I did on my Summer Holiday
By Theo Walcott aged 8 1/2

In the summer holidays I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown ups. On the plane Uncle Sol sat next to me. He gave me some toffee and said he wanted to be my friend because the other boys wouldn't let him play with them. He works at the place where I do my YTS.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.

One day I went shopping with Auntie Vicky. She bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten it and then said she had to go to the toilet to be sick. Whilst she was in the toilet Uncle Frank stole my ice cream and ate it himself.

Auntie Vicky bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and Uncle Frank and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it. When Uncle Sol wasn't looking Uncle Frank stole my ice cream again. All the other grown ups have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.

I spent a lot of time on my holiday sitting on a bench with Uncle Peter. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books. He told me that Uncle Sven preferred a potato head. I don't like the man he called potato head because he trod on another man's willy. Uncle Peter also gave me an ice cream but Uncle Frank stole it again.

On the last day of our holiday Uncle David, the one who talks like Orville, hurt his leg so Uncle Lennon was allowed to play for a while instead. I think Uncle David cried like a girl because Uncle Lennon was better than him.

On the plane home Uncle Frank moaned that everybody was picking on him and that it wasn't fair. He said he played a good game two year's ago and everybody had forgotten that. Then he stole my ice cream again.