West Ham Welcome Our New Fans
It has come to our attention that many Chelski fans, having seen the way the wind is blowing, have decided to switch their allegiance to West Ham this season.
As always we welcome new fans of our illustrious club and to show our appreciation we have decided to publish the following Beginners Guide To Supporting West Ham.
1. Getting to the Boleyn Ground
Take the District Line underground to West Ham tube station. On exiting the station turn left and follow the railway line on the right hand side as far as it takes you.
2. Speak Appropriately
To blend in with your fellow "Irons", all of whom are cheeky Cockney chappies (even the women), dress up in an authentic Pearly King outfit. You will fit in with your neighbours in the Bobby Moore stand and your efforts will be much appreciated. Try to join in their jolly East End banter by speaking in a proper 'gorblimey' accent. Dick Van Dyke, in Mary Poppins, does it superbly - just copy him.
3. During the Game
An important part of being a football fan is to take part in some jolly and clean banter. Try shouting some of the following, "Paul Ince for manager", "Come on you pikeys" or "Brown In".
Be sure to ask for the Iron's famous Prawn Sandwiches or seven course banquets at matches.
Most importantly it is essential that you keep that blue flag up your arse.
Adapted from an original idea by Claretdave on the Kumb Forum.